Bringing Up Bebe: How to Sleep Train Like the French
When I first read Pamela Drucker’s Bringing Up Bebe, my world was changed. Since then, I have reread it twice. As a former night nanny, I would actually buy this book as a gift for the families I worked with. I have also bought copies of this book for friends and family.
At this point, I really should be making a commission from each sale.
This is coming from someone who has read countless books on sleep training, parenting, childhood sleep disorders, and child development. While most of these books are bursting with helpful information and include all the research to back it up, they are also often dense and difficult to get through.
Comparatively, Bringing Up Bebe is both humorous and informative. It cites scientific studies throughout, but not to the degree where you feel your brain shutting down from reading the words “randomized controlled trial” one too many times.
In Bringing Up Bebe, author and American expat, Pamela Druckerman, recounts her experience moving to France with her young family. Her book is both an anecdotal and evidence-based look into why she believes French children are more well-behaved and independent, as well as better eaters, and better sleepers than American children.
As a Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Newborn Care Specialist, you can see why I would be intrigued by her claims. Specifically her claim that French children tend to sleep better than American children.
What does Druckerman mean by “better sleepers”? In France, most babies begin sleeping through the night (or “doing their nights,” as the French call it) by 2 and 3 months of age. So what are the French doing differently than American parents?
Unlike traditional American thinking that states babies do not have the ability to self soothe and should not be expected to fall asleep independently prior to 4 months of age, the French believe that babies will develop the ability to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own from birth if they are given the opportunity to do so.
Now before your mind jumps to a clip of a baby crying for hours, unattended in a dusty attic room…let me explain exactly what it is that French parents do to help their babies learn to sleep. You may find it’s not as heartless as you think.
The French PAUSE, before responding.
There is French cultural norm of pausing before responding when a baby starts fussing or crying at night or during naps. Druckerman coined this practice “le pause.” It is understood that babies often cry when they are learning to transition between sleep cycles, and by responding too quickly with food or by rocking them to sleep, they will become dependent on those things as a means of falling back to sleep. This is especially true in young babies who are learning HOW to transition between sleep cycles.
As a Newborn Care Specialist and Pediatric Sleep Coach, I can tell you that le pause has great merit! It is beyond tempting to immediately respond when your baby starts fussing or crying at night, but simply giving them a few minutes before you intervene can help them figure out how to fall back to connect their sleep cycles. If you respond too quickly, you may be unintentionally waking them up and preventing their ability to transition into the next cycle of sleep.
The French help their babies learn to nap independently from birth.
French parents help their babies get accustomed to napping independently in their cribs from birth, so they do not have trouble transitioning when they get older.
The French do not stress about active sleepers.
The French understand that young babies are simply active sleepers (before 6 months of age, babies do not have the motor inhibitory control during sleep that older children and adults do).
They understand that babies may move around the crib, flail their arms, kick their legs, and even open and shut their eyes during sleep. They give them the space to do so without fussing over them. (This also gives French parents the opportunity to enjoy their alone time while their baby sleeps!)
The French believe in verbally communicating their expectations to babies.
Through her research, Druckerman found that the French have a deep belief that babies understand much more than we give them credit for (and here are two different studies to back this up). They talk to their babies about the importance of sleep and tell them they believe they can learn to sleep at night. This type of talk not only reassures a baby, but also helps the parent feel more confident in their baby’s ability to sleep.
The French pride themselves on learning how to interpret their babies’ cries.
Not every cry is created alike. There are cries that mean hunger. There are cries elicited by pain, discomfort, or gas. There are also cries of frustration as a baby is transitioning between sleep cycles. Watching and observing your baby like a keen scientist will help you learn their language so you can better understand what they need.
If you have a young baby, and you are struggling with their sleep, try these 5 steps to get your baby sleeping like a French baby. If you are still struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Getting babies to sleep through the night is my specialty, and well-rested families are my passion.
Also do yourself a favor and go buy a copy of Druckerman’s book now.
